Getting comfortable with the woman in the mirror

Do you ever stand completely naked in front of a mirror and examine your body with curiosity and wonder? Do you immediately avert your eyes in order to avoid your self-criticism? Do you feel uncomfortable that I just wrote "naked" and "mirror" in the same sentence? 

Unfortunately, we have all been taught to believe that our bodies are inadequate, that they don't measure up to some arbitrary, unrealistic societal standard. We are quick to see our multitude of flaws but very slow to appreciate all the ways that our bodies show up for us every single day and all the unique and glorious beauty they possess. We are occasionally motivated by what the mirror reveals to make positive changes in our lifestyles, but more often, we are simply shamed into putting our clothes on as quickly as possible and hoping no one else will notice our flaws. 

Here's another question: Do you ever look deeply into your own mind and try to examine your thoughts and feelings with curiosity and wonder? Do you look at your naked soul and ask who you really are or what you really need? Or do you immediately avert your eyes, trying not to see who is really there, trying not to know that person, trying to hide your true self from yourself and the world around you because you are so afraid you will be rejected? 

We have a tendency to zealously fill up all the moments of our days with busyness and distractions so we don't have the time or space to examine ourselves. We hold up the distorted, funhouse mirror of social media and measure ourselves against photoshopped (literally and figuratively) versions of people we don't even really respect telling us we are only okay if we think or feel or look certain ways. We are quick to dismiss or ignore our thoughts and feelings, especially the ones that don't line up nicely with arbitrary societal standards. We judge ourselves harshly and refuse to really get to know ourselves because it is kind of an uncomfortable process. And we hide ourselves away, never really knowing ourselves and not allowing anyone else to know us either. 

I have found both of these examinations very difficult in the past. I have shamed my own body and worse, I have shamed my own mind. But recently, I'm getting comfortable staring in the mirror. I'm allowing myself to sit there with myself--physically and emotionally--for as long as I need to to get comfortable with what I see, with what I feel, with who I am. I'm using the feedback not to be critical of myself but to try to know myself, to try to make improvements where I deem necessary, and to see the beauty that has been there all along.

I haven't mastered self-love or self-knowledge by any stretch of the imagination, but I do know it starts and ends in the mirror. It is only my opinion of myself that matters, and my job is to know myself intimately and love myself unconditionally. Someone else can tell me I'm physically beautiful all day long, but it will never be true until I believe it about myself. Likewise, someone else can judge my thoughts and feelings as irrational or untrue, but if I've taken the time to get familiar with myself, I will believe the truth that comes from within and not the lies that come from without. Of course, there are things I won't like, but I don't need to hide from those things. I can always choose to make whatever changes seem appropriate. But I can also choose to appreciate the parts of my mind and body that make me uniquely beautiful just as they are. However, I can only do that if I first get comfortable closely examining my stripped down self. 

Cleaning out the garage (and the mind)

I know there are people in the world who have pristine garages. A place for everything and everything in its place. They use their garage for the purpose for which it was intended and probably feel a flash of pride every time their garage door opens. Unfortunately, I am not one of those people. I tend to use my garage as a catchall storage facility for everything I don't want in my house but can't seem to part with, everything that I have once needed or may ever need again, everything I don't want to deal with in the present but that needs a place to wait while I decide what to do with it. And I have absolutely no system in place to control the chaos. The bigger the mess gets out there, the more overwhelming it becomes and the harder to deal with. I tend to ignore the growing disarray as long as I can. But eventually, the mess has to be dealt with, and today was my day to face mine.

As I forced myself to make a decision about everything I touched--was it trash, something to be donated, a thing to be kept but organized or tidied--I realized that minds sometimes function like garages. We collect thoughts and feelings, all day every day. Some people are really good at keeping their minds in order. They are deeply in tune with their thoughts and feelings and are continually sorting through them to decide which are worth keeping and which need to be removed in order to keep the clutter at bay. But many of us struggle to maintain order, and before we know it, the mess in our heads has gotten big and out of control. But eventually, in order to be sane and happy, we must deal with the mess. We must examine our thoughts and feelings to see which ones are serving us well, which ones are only taking up space, and which ones need to be removed altogether. 

There were things in my garage today that were hard to part with because I've had them for so long or because they had sentimental value or because I thought there was a chance I might need them in the future. There were other things that were easy to dispose of or clean up; it was just a matter of taking the time to do it. As I removed trash and things that no longer serve a particular purpose for me, even though they once did, I began to feel lighter, freer, and happier. I began to feel proud of my effort and proud of the space. I began to have greater access to the things I actually need and want. And I know this is true of minds as well. We all have pet thoughts and feelings that we've clung to for a long time. They may not be serving us well anymore, but still we cling to them. We have sentimentalities that feel like a betrayal to part with. And we all have good and necessary thoughts and feelings that we will enjoy so much more when we can access them easily. 

We have to make decisions about every thought and feeling we have. Will we discard it or keep it, and why? Are the things that are taking up space in our minds actually useful, or are we just too lazy or overwhelmed to filter through them? It's easy to let unhelpful thoughts pile up and become chaotic, but when we are diligent to filter them and clean them up, we become lighter and freer and happier, and we create more space for the good and necessary stuff. The work isn't all easy, but it's definitely work worth doing.