Value

I have recently encountered several people, in a variety of situations, who are feeling the sting of rejection and have felt that it means something personal about their worth. This has included people losing jobs and struggling to find new ones, people in the throes of a difficult break-up, people who don't have the relationship they would like to have with their kids or parents or whomever. I have had many of these experiences myself and feel a visceral understanding of the deep pain rejection brings. Often times, when I realize I am encountering the same scenarios over and over in my personal life and in the lives of people around me, it prompts me to dig a little deeper and find the learning opportunity or the bigger message in it all. And, sometimes, that prompts me to write. So here I am. 

Here's what I've learned: Someone else's inability to see or understand our value does not make us any less valuable. Sometimes a person can be in possession of a treasure and not recognize its value. And sometimes a treasure may stay buried in the ground and unknown to the world. However, it is not less valuable just because the person currently in possession of it isn't aware of its value or someone has not yet discovered it. The value is inherent to the treasure. It's what makes it a treasure in the first place.

Of course, we all want someone else to validate us and tell us our worth, but this is not something we need. Sometimes it seems easier to wait for someone else to assign us value and then blame others when we feel worthless, but here's the thing: we are valuable regardless of what someone else thinks of us (or doesn't think of us) or whether another person even acknowledges our existence. We have inherent value, and it is our special task to find the value in ourselves. But sometimes we resist seeing and acknowledging our own value because that requires work. It requires questioning and maybe disagreeing with stories we've been telling ourselves for a long time and deciding to tell a new story. It requires blocking out the cacophony of voices all around us with messages that suit their needs but not necessarily ours. It requires taking back our power and being responsible for ourselves. It requires polishing those places that don't quite shine the way we'd like for them to. It means asking, "What am I making this mean?" And when we answer that question, asking, "But is that really true?" And then going one step further by asking, "How would I respond to a friend who is feeling this way?" and "How can I change the way I show up for myself when I feel this way?" And then, taking the action needed to change the narrative.

Depending on your particular brain wiring and life experiences, it may be especially difficult to see your own value. Or you may feel like seeing your own value "doesn't count" or makes you arrogant. But listen, friend: YOU ARE VALUABLE, AND YOU DON'T NEED SOMEONE ELSE TO CONFIRM THAT FACT. You have the power within you to acknowledge and live your value whether anyone else acknowledges it or not. 

We don't really live in a world that encourages us to see and truly appreciate our worth. When we do it anyway, we are often told we are vain, conceited, arrogant, boastful, and lacking humility. (You can cross a line here, but just acknowledging your worth does not even get you close to that line.) We are also constantly told, in a variety of ways, by a variety of people, that we don't have value or that we aren't enough unless we [fill in the blank]. In fact, marketers depend on their ability to make you feel "less than" so they can sell you whatever is going to make you "enough." It's a lie. Plain and simple. You have value. You are a treasure. And that fact isn't changed by someone else's inability to see it or acknowledge it. Allow yourself to fully absorb this message. And then live every day of your life in that truth. When you accept your value for what it is and don't look for validation outside of yourself, you will be amazed at how much you lessen the pain of rejection in your life and are able to fully embrace the valuable life you've been given.