Grief and Love

Today would have been my Grandaddy's 96th birthday, and as my Facebook memories from five years ago remind me of his last birthday on Earth, I am feeling lots of happy and sad emotions rise to the surface. We also laid my Granny to rest last week, and while we are glad she is finally free of pain, there is a pain we feel in her passing knowing we will not have the benefit of her physical presence in our lives anymore. I have so many wonderful memories with these amazing people, and I suspect the gap left by their passing will never really be filled. 

Granny's very recent illness and death have prompted some difficult conversations with my kids, and many tears have been shed in my household in the last few weeks. My youngest guy was hit especially hard by the news, and as I tried to comfort him, I heard myself saying, "When we love someone deeply, we grieve their absence deeply. So, that sadness you feel is really just the love that you have for Granny." It was then I understood that grief and love are the same thing. We only grieve deeply what and who we have loved deeply. Grief is evidence of love. I don't think any of us would want to give up the beautiful, amazing, magical feelings that come from giving and receiving love, but we often tend to try to hide from grief. We seem to think of grief as "bad" because it comes with tears and snot and wrecked mascara and an ache inside of us that doesn't feel comfortable in any way. But in this season of grief, I am realizing that love is also present, and for that I am so incredibly thankful. 

When I was with the family last week sorting through the things death forces a person to leave behind, we came across a journal where my grandmother had jotted down thoughts and quotes. None of the entries were dated, but from the pages, in her own handwriting, she was able to encourage me in my grief about her death and let me know I wasn't the first to realize the connection between grief and love. I didn't read every page of her journals, but those things that were most needed were the things that presented themselves. I will not be ashamed of my grieving or try to stop myself from experiencing it, for it only means that my heart has had the opportunity to know great love. 

Here is what I discovered in my Granny's journal, with the acknowledgement that I do not know whether she was quoting from other sources or if they were her original thoughts: