It's been a while since I've written, and that's because I haven't really had any words--at least not any happy, sunshiny, encouraging words that this blog is supposed to be made of. I have been trying my best to chase rainbows, but honestly, I really just feel tired of the pursuit. I feel tired of trying to squeeze into my positive pants every day. I feel tired of trying to figure out what lessons I'm supposed to be learning from all the difficult situations that keep coming up. I feel tired of pursuing personal growth because, honestly, it kind of feels futile. I feel tired of everyone saying I'm so strong but not really feeling all that strong. The rainbow feels like a mirage, like a thing that will never be attained. It feels like I will never get to sit down with the pot of gold and reward myself for my efforts. And I'm tired. I just want to sit down and rest--pot of gold in hand or not. I know the words to say to encourage myself and spur myself on and to convince the world that I'm still chasing rainbows, but they haven't been ringing true lately. And when the words don't ring true, it's hard to muster up the energy to even say them, and, really, there's no point.
I wrote the above paragraph several days ago in an attempt to get the words and feelings out of my brain, because writing is therapy for me. I did not intend to publish them. But in the last week, I've had a number of encounters with others that have made me realize I'm not alone in my exhaustion and that there are words that need to be said, whether they feel like sunshine or not. We are all tired. We all want to rest and stop being strong for a minute--no matter what our particular struggle is. I don't want to be fake in the things I write. I want to be real and raw and human. So, I decided to leave the paragraph just as I originally wrote it.
Unfortunately, as a society, we have made "being strong" seem like a badge of honor when it's nothing more than a plastic participation trophy. It's meant as a compliment or an expression of admiration for someone going through something we don't have personal experience with. "You are just so strong. I could never endure what you're enduring," people say, meaning well but not helping in the least. The person in the situation that requires strength doesn't feel strong, I can assure you. They feel tired. And they would give anything not to have to be strong, even just for a little while. But when a person is going through a situation the requires strength, they simply have no choice. You most definitely would be able to endure what they are enduring if you had to. And you would not feel all that comforted if everyone told you how strong you were for enduring it.
So much better than telling a person they are strong is creating safe spaces for them to be broken and weak and finding ways to support them in that weakness. This means offering help that was never asked for, getting comfortable with emotions that aren't comfortable, hugging them long and hard, texting or calling just to check on them and to let them know you are thinking of them, not trying to fix them or their problem, looking them in the eye and not flinching when you see the depths of what makes them "strong" in the first place. It's a very hard thing to do, especially when we are all dealing with our own difficult situations that require us to be strong too. We are all tired, and we need people in our lives that invite us to take a seat, put our feet up, and rest as long as we need to, not people that make us feel like we are on our own with whatever we're going through because we are strong enough to handle it. I want to be that place of rest for others, and I want to surround myself with people who can create that space for me.
