The Word of the Year

I spend a lot of time in self-examination throughout the year, trying to learn from who I've been in the past, pondering who I am in the present, and thinking about who I want to be in the future. But I spend a little extra time on those things as the year starts to wind down and a new year sits tantalizing and inviting, with all it's intrigue and potential, shyly waving me over like a new friend. I am not one for true New Year's resolutions. Rather, I constantly strive for self-improvement in incremental steps that are easier to take than the huge leaps that almost guarantee failure. But even though I'm not a true resolution girl, I have become a "word" girl. I have chosen a word (or words) for myself the last couple years--or rather the words have chosen me. In a magical process I don't fully understand, the words have come to me, and I have known with certainty that they were to be the theme of my entire year. 

My word for 2020 was "gratitude," which I received way before I knew the kind of year 2020 was going to be for me personally and for the world at large. I am certain that having that word as the backdrop for that year was instrumental in helping me survive it. 

For 2021, I was given "love" and "forgiveness." I really struggled with these words at first, but I knew I needed healing in my life and those seemed like stretch goals and therefore good ones to aim for, so I decided to fully embrace them. I assumed I would mostly need to apply them to relationships with other people, and I did have the opportunity to do a fair amount of that. But what surprised and delighted me (and made me decidedly uncomfortable sometimes) was how often I was able to apply them to myself and how very much I needed them. I have learned that loving myself--and by extension, forgiving myself--is everything. Only when I love and forgive myself can I show up for myself, my kids, my friends, my co-workers, and even perfect strangers in any sort of meaningful way. I can only truly love others when I truly love me, and after a year of digging in on that, I can say I absolutely do.

The words I've been given for 2022 are "happiness" and "joy." My understanding of the difference in the words is that happiness is more of a temporary, circumstantial experience, and joy is more of a permanent mindset which is not dependant on any particular circumstance. I'm excited to surround myself in the coming year with people and experiences that contribute to both of these. And I'm thankful I have granted myself permission to fully explore them. I want 2022 to be a year of smiles, laughter, and fun, and I want to feel a sense of joy, even during times that may feel difficult. 

It is interesting to me that the words I've been given these last few years have a cumulative effect. If I had not learned gratitude, I would not have been able to learn love and forgiveness. And without fully embracing love and forgiveness, I would not be able to seek happiness and joy. 

Do you pick a word for the year (or does one pick you)? If so, I would love to hear what your word for 2022 is or what some of your words have been in the past and the story of how they have shaped you. If not, maybe you want to consider choosing a word to act as your guide through this new year.

I wish you all kinds of hope, beauty, and magic in 2022!

Words Read, Heard, and Written in 2021

As the year comes to a close, it is natural to reflect on the past year. People do this in all sorts of ways--from reviewing their music playlists to looking through their photos to reading through journal entries from the past year. In addition to those things, I also like to look through my list of books read and listened to (and written, if applicable). I consider each thing on these lists an accomplishment and am proud I can claim so many. I thought I'd share my lists here to make them easier to look back on in the future and to give you an idea of some of the things that have been shaping me this year. Also, if you are looking for some good reads in 2022, the ones marked with * are the ones I enjoyed the most and/or found profound wisdom to aid in my personal growth. These are the ones from the list I would highly recommend. The last thing shared in this post is a reading challenge for 2022 that a friend of mine posted on Facebook. I haven't decided if I will try to do this, but it's a fun concept.

Books Read: 15

1. *The Daily Stoic--Ryan Holiday
2. Black-eyed Susans--Julia Heaberlin
3. *Ella Minnow Pea--Mark Dunn
4. Firefly Lane--Kristin Hannah
5. *Braving the Wilderness--Brené Brown
6. *The Sanatorium--Sarah Pearse
7. The Four Winds--Kristin Hannah
8. The Brave Art of Motherhood--Rachel Marie Martin
9. Learned Optimism--Martin Seligman
10. Life and Other Inconveniences--Kristin Higgins
11. *The Four Agreements--Don Miguel Ruiz
12. The People We Meet on Vacation--Emily Henry
13. The Human Comedy--William Saroyan
14. *Daring Greatly--Brené Brown
15. Eat, Pray, Love--Elizabeth Gilbert

Audiobooks Heard: 31

1. Option B--Sheryl Sandberg
2. The Book of Lost Things--John Connolly
3. The Library Book--Susan Orlean
4. The Buddha in the Attic--Julie Otsuka
5. The Stillwater Girls--Minka Kent
6. Such a Fun Age--Kiley Reid
7. *The Giver of Stars--Jojo Moyes
8. The Bonesetter's Daughter--Amy Tan
9. *The Alchemist--Paulo Coelho
10. The Five Love Languages of Teenagers--Gary Chapman
11. The Bookwoman of Troublesome Creek--Kim Michele Richardson
12. The Hill We Climb--Amanda Gorman
13. Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance--Angela Duckworth
14. And the Mountains Echoed--Khaled Hosseini
15. All the Missing Girls--Megan Miranda
16. Life Reimagined: The Science, Art, and Opportunity of Midlife--Barbara Bradley Hagerty
17. How I Learned to Understand the World--Hans Rosling
18. *The Archer--Paulo Coelho
19. Greenlights--Matthew McConaughey
20. Into the Water--Paula Hawkins
21. Olive Kitteridge--Elizabeth Strout
22. The Prayer Box--Lisa Wingate
23. The Dutch House--Ann Patchett
24. *Untamed--Glennon Doyle
25. *Furiously Happy--Jenny Lawson
26. The Book of Speculation--Erika Swyler
27. Embrace the Suck: The Navy SEAL Way to an Extraordinary Life--Brent Gleeson
28. The Library of the Unwritten--A.J. Hackwith
29. *Presence--Amy Cuddy
30. The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck--Mark Manson
31. The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society--Annie Barrows and Mary Ann Shaffer

Books Written: 0

***BUT***

Blog Posts Written: 27

1. Success
2. Outside the Box
3. Enough
4. Beautifully Broken
5. Saltwater Cures
6. I See You Being Brave
7. A Tribute to Moms
8. Small Steps to Well-being
9. Value
10. The Puzzle of Life
11. Weak is the New Strong
12. Happiness Lessons from a Dog
13. Cleaning Out the Garage (and the Mind)
14. Getting Comfortable with the Woman in the Mirror
15. "New"vember Resolutions
16. Breathe in Happy
17. Pretend You're Good At It
18. Happiest Person You Know
19. It Isn't Love; It Isn't Hate; It's Just Indifference
20. I Like You Just the Way You Are
21. Be the Friend Who Brings the Light
22. No Life Without Death
23. Two Bare Feet In the Water Kind of Brave
24. End of November Update
25. Mind the Gap
26. Today is the Darkest Day
27. Words Read, Heard, and Written

Journals Filled: 2

Today is the darkest day

Today is the Winter Solstice, also known by some as "the shortest day of the year" because it is the day with the least amount of sunlight. But ask anyone in a mentally dark place, and they will tell you the "darkest day" feels anything but short. Often, it isn't limited to a 24-hour period of time. And sometimes it can even feel as if it will be neverending. 

The holidays are notorious for ushering in some of the darkest days for many people, despite (and possibly because of) the cultural directives for jolliness. But, of course, the "darkest day" can happen any time. If you're living that "darkest day" right now, I really want you to know that I see you and that I care about you. Your struggle is real, and I know it feels all-consuming. The cultural expectations for being merry at this time of year are ridiculous and unfair, and it's okay if you aren't feeling merry or jolly or full of joy.

Here's the other message I want to share with you: Yes, this is the darkest day, BUT that means all the days after this will have a little more light than this one. You probably won't experience it as a flood of light. It may not even really seem noticeable at first. But it won't get darker than this. Each day will bring just a little more light. Please seek that light, no matter how small and insignificant it may seem. And please reach out to me if you need to borrow some light to get you through this darkest day.

Mind the Gap

If you've ever ridden the tube (subway) in London, you have certainly seen and heard the cautionary message, "Mind the gap," which is meant to make passengers aware of the gap between the platform and the train. It's not a large space and can easily be stepped over, but the reminders exist because people riding the tube tend to be distracted and, if they aren't paying attention, the gap is just large enough to cause injury or loss of valuables. 

Another kind of gap exists in the realm of emotional reaction. Viktor Frankl--a famous neurologist, psychiatrist, philosopher, author, and Holocaust survivor--declared, "Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response." I have written recently about indifference and mentioned there the struggle I've had in the past to control my emotional responses. It is easy to let big emotions take over our brains, and to go through life reacting to every little piece of stimulus without checking ourselves. But that's a dangerous place to live. Like the distracted tube passenger, it can really get us in trouble. If we're not diligent to check in with and control our responses, we can cause serious damage to ourselves and others, and we can lose things and people that are truly important to us. But if we're careful to "mind the gap," we can safely and happily move ourselves from where we are to where we really want to be. There is so much power in that space between stimulus and response, and I want to make sure I'm being mindful of the choice I have to control the things/person I can control instead of ceding my power over to things and people I can't control. I cannot control all the things that happen, but in that sacred space, I can control my response to the things happening around me. I have the ability to make that gap as large as I need to make it to ensure I show up in the world the way I truly want to and move forward in ways that are good for me and for others. So, just in case you're going through life like a distracted tube passenger, consider this your reminder to "Mind the gap."  Trust me, it's advice that can create a happier journey for you.