I spent the last six weeks taking a pottery class where we did hand building as well as wheel throwing. I was in a season of betweenness, and I really needed a creative outlet. I specifically chose pottery because I have always had a bit of a fascination with it, and because I knew I probably wouldn't be very good at it, and that seemed like a great way to learn some valuable lessons along with some new skills. I was certainly right about that and can definitely say I learned a lot.
At the beginning of every class we would start with a few lumps of damp, grayish-white clay that had no personality whatsoever. Then our teacher would show us an example of something we could make but would soon set us free to "create whatever we wanted." Being very new to the craft and prone to rule following, I pretty much stuck to the projects of the day, but I never really produced the true likeness of the teacher's example. And even he, with more than a decade of experience as a professional potter, said he wouldn't be able to replicate his work exactly. Perfect was not my goal, and I always felt delighted that I had managed to make anything at all and found each piece beautiful in its own way. Each classmate brought their own ideas about what they wanted to get out of the class. One of my classmates rarely stuck to the prescribed project and made some truly interesting pieces that she conjured up purely from her imagination. Another classmate broke down in tears and scrapped many of her projects when they didn't turn out "just right," even though I couldn't really see anything wrong with them. But, as our teacher reminded us over and over, there was no one correct approach.
In hand building it was difficult to get the clay to a uniform thickness or to master the detail work. On the wheel, it was easy to get the clay too off-center, leave it too dry, get it too wet, or stretch it too thin. If you had something specific in your head when you started, you could almost count on something going awry and then having to take some measure or other just to salvage the project--the image in your head be damned. And never once did all six of the students end up with things that even remotely resembled what the other students had made or what the teacher had shown us. By the third class we had embraced a motto: The clay will become what it wants to be. And from that moment, the whole class became an exercise in letting go of the idea you had in your head and just accepting whatever happened. The concept freed many of us up to just enjoy the process and be delighted with whatever we created.
Once the clay had become something--a beautiful, wonky, lovely, unique thing--it had to dry out for a week or so before it could be fired. The heat of the kiln was sure to shrink the pieces and sometimes reveal serious and not-so-serious cracks. And once it was fired, each piece had to be glazed. We could read on the containers the colors of the glazes and, for most, see tiny example tiles of the finished colors, but many of the glazes looked almost the exact color of the clay when first applied or not at all like the finished product, as the heat of the kiln during the second firing was what was needed to bring out the trueness of the hue. There was a skill to applying just the right amount of glaze too (especially tricky since we couldn't always tell where it had been applied). Too much, too close to the bottom of the piece, and it would melt onto the kiln and pretty much guarantee chips in the finished product; too little, and the color would barely show up at all. It was super hard to predict what the finished pieces would actually look like, and it was a little like a wonder-filled Christmas morning when we arrived to pick up our finished pieces.
I was enthralled with all my pieces and genuinely appreciated what each of them had become--with and without my help. I did a show-and-tell with my family and was practically doing a happy dance seeing everything displayed on the table. I have a couple of "bowls" that decided to become "planters" because of unplanned holes that appeared in their bases during the process. I have a vase that fell in on itself on the wheel and turned out to be one of my favorites because it is so unusual and interesting and 100% non-replicable. I have coffee mugs with awkward handles, but the coffee this morning tasted better out of a mug I made myself. None of the things I made is perfect, but every one of them is beautiful to my eyes and to my heart. I did the best I could with the raw materials I had and the skills I learned along the way, but without a doubt, the clay became what it wanted to be, which is what makes each piece so valuable to me.
Examining my work got me thinking about raising kids. It's a process. And people do it differently. And there are a lot of things that can factor in to how the final product comes out. But even if things don't go according to our original plan--which they rarely do--there aren't really a lot of ways to do it wrong. Even the mistakes we parents make along the way can become something lovely. My finished product will not look like yours. It will likely not even look like the picture I had in my head. We start with similar raw material that is moldable, but ultimately "the clay will become what it wants to be," and the only real truth is that the final product will be absolutely beautiful and unique.
The last few months have held frequent reminders for me to accept things as they are and to see the beauty in what is. My kids are not all turning out according to the images I had in my head or according the societal "instructions," but they are all turning out to be exactly who they are meant to be, and it is absolutely the most beautiful thing I have ever witnessed.
