We bloom when the conditions are right

Humans love schedules and agendas and timelines. We love knowing when things "should" happen and then judging ourselves and others when they don't happen at that time. We start when our children are in the womb, reading books like "What to Expect When You're Expecting." Then when our kids are born we immediately start measuring them against things we've read, things we've heard, and things other babies are doing. They should be eating solids by now...they should be crawling by now...they should be walking by now...and on and on. We don't stop after infancy either. Then it becomes they should be reading by now...they should be playing a sport/instrument/role...they should have their post-graduation life figured out...etc. And we definitely carry these made up timelines into adulthood as well. Then we panic when the milestones aren't hit at the "right" time. 

But here is what we learn from Nature: Flowers don't necessarily bloom at the time we expect; they bloom when the conditions are right for them to bloom. I have two so-called "Christmas" cacti that decided to bloom in mid-January, after two years of not blooming at all. I have spring roses that decided to bloom in winter because temps were in the 70s. And I am a woman in her late 40s who is only just now starting to feel truly aligned with her purpose after years of feeling like I was missing the mark.

Nature doesn't bother with what the calendar says or with what we imagine is the right time. Nature thrives when the conditions are right, and it adjusts to protect itself when the conditions aren't right. Humans would do well to take this lesson to heart. None of us--and none of our kids--are behind in this life. We are just where we are, waiting for the conditions to be right for us to bloom. 

But that doesn't mean we don't have to put in the work to be ready to bloom when the conditions are right. Maybe we need an extra season of dormancy. Maybe we need to take in more nutrients. Maybe we need to focus our energy on strengthening our roots, doing the work that no one sees. Maybe we just need to trust that blooming is still what we were made for and that it will happen. We need to stop judging ourselves and our kids so harshly and comparing ourselves and them to others. We just need to pay attention to the conditions in our own lives and bloom with boldness when the time is right. 

 Christmas cacti in mid-January

December roses

You win when you try

We live in a world that is very results driven. There is constant pressure to perform...and to outperform others. And though I do believe some healthy competition is appropriate and even necessary, I think sometimes we lose sight of how important it is just to show up with our best effort, no matter what that looks like. Whether the results produced match up with or exceed someone else's or not, the real success is in the trying. 

I have been especially mindful of this recently as I have been privileged on occasion this summer to be included in the morning workout club my boys have formed. They have been setting alarms and getting up early and spending 45 minutes to an hour working out, pushing themselves to be active, get stronger, and develop habits of discipline and endurance. I am very proud of their efforts, as this is not only a generally difficult thing to do but, from what I have observed through many years of paying attention to human behavior, a particularly difficult thing for teenage boys on summer vacation. 

The first day I joined them was push-up day, and I can tell you I did not fair very well. I struggled to do the exercises that my 16-year-old, who is an athletic specimen, did easily and with more stamina than I have probably ever possessed. And I paid for it big time with sore muscles for many days after. Another day, we went for a run. This activity was easier for me, but my body was still out of practice (and still sore from the push-ups) and the struggle was real. I vowed to stay in step with my 13-year-old, who, like me, also struggled to keep up with his brother, and we were grateful for and encouraged by one another's company. As we made our way around the neighborhood loop, he revealed a slight frustration at not being able to keep up with his older brother or perform at the same level. I assured him it was an unfair comparison. His brother is 6'7" and is one of the most naturally athletic people I have ever encountered. Meanwhile, he is 5'4" and has an entirely different body structure. To make him feel better, I reminded him that I was not anywhere close to being able to perform at the level of his brother either. I went on to explain that the real success was simply in the trying. The fact that we got up early and even attempted to run the neighborhood loop meant we were better off than we had been on the days we had slept in and didn't bother. We all did hard things that day. And we all did them to the level that we were able to. Trying was the real victory. That's not to say we won't improve--hopefully we will all improve as we continue to put in the effort. But our most significant improvements can only really be measured against ourselves. 

I will probably never be able to out-stride a 6'7" athlete, but I might be able to run a little further next time without panting. Or maybe I won't be able to run any better but I'll be able to hop out of bed a little easier.  Those are both wins. The trying is what is important. My trying and your trying may not look the same, and our efforts may not produce the same results. What's hard for me may be easy for you and vice versa. But each of our trying is valuable and is where our victory lies--whether we're talking about physical feats or mental ones. And if we focus all our attention on our own trying instead of casting jealous glances at others, our own improvement will be much more noticeable, and we will be able to celebrate it with more enthusiasm. Even my own capabilities may change from day to day. But I bring what I can and can still feel triumphant in the trying. Think of it like rugby, where a "try" is a score. You win when you try, so, whatever you are facing today, give it your best and be proud of the effort you put in. Celebrate the trying not just the results as compared to someone else.