The Least Interesting Person in the Room

Someone once told me I would "always be the least interesting person in the room." Since this declaration was coming from someone whose opinion I cared about deeply, it was a devastating blow. It cut me to my core and rattled around pretty loudly in my head for a long time. It's been a while now since this proclamation was made, and at this point, I rarely ever think about those words that once hurt me so badly. But earlier this summer, the cruel little voice that lives in my head and sometimes speaks up when I let my guard down decided to bring it up. The words no longer have the power to hurt me, but they did make me curious.

For most of my life, I struggled to feel deeply loved or truly valued--mainly, I know now, because I struggled to love myself. And I tried to compensate for that by becoming a people pleaser. I imagined if I just gave no one a reason to not like me, then I would be protected from being unloveable. So, way back when I heard these particular hurtful words, I took them to heart, as they seemed to confirm a fear that felt like reality in my mind. I have been actively working on healing that part of my mind for years. It is a slow process, and even when I think I have arrived at complete healing, I can still sometimes be triggered by old wounds.

Lucky for me, I am now able to recognize this cruel voice for the liar it is, and I'm able to see that those words that seemed directed toward me all those years ago probably had more to do with the fears of the speaker about themself than about me. I know without a doubt that I am deeply loved by some and that to a rare few I am actually quite interesting. And, honestly, that's perfect. I am satisfied with a few really genuine connections and don't need to be liked/admired/loved/approved of by everyone. It's okay with me for some to think me the least interesting person in the room, and I do not hold that against them. I'm definitely not everyone's cup of tea.

I have been reflecting on relationships a lot lately. It is important to me to pursue healthy relationships and to show up as my best self in those relationships, so I need to spend time thinking about how to do that and what that means. Part of my reflection brought me to the statement that once hurt me so badly. There is actually plenty of truth to the statement, and I have made absolute peace with it and am so grateful it ultimately helped shatter the people-pleasing mindset I carried for far too long. To most people, I will never be the most interesting person in the room, and to some, I will certainly seem like the least interesting. I am an introvert who does not need to be the center of attention. I am no longer looking for the approval of others--only the approval of myself. I genuinely love most people, but I'm not begging them to love me back. I live a very simple life and am delighted by simple things--sunrises, sunsets, flowers in bloom, watching my kids do the things they love, beautiful words arranged well on a page, waves kissing a beach, stars stretching out across the sky. Nothing flashy, nothing dramatic. Nothing to make most attendees of a dinner party stop and take note. Nothing interesting by many people's standards. But I am happy with this way of being. I'm actually not even trying to be the most interesting person in the room, and I imagine if I had that as my aim I would just end up feeling exhausted. 

I now find it really easy to know who my people are because they are interested in me precisely because I am the least interesting person in the room. They don't need me to perform or show up big and loud and impressive. They are delighted by the simple things I'm delighted by. And they are delighted by me for being delighted by simple things. They take me as I am without needing me to be someone else, and that is such an incredible gift.  

Life has a way of self-filtering for us--taking the things that aren't good for us and leaving behind the things that are just right. It can definitely feel like a difficult process, but I am thankful I have been released by the ones who don't find me interesting and that I have released myself from needing to be interesting for them. It has freed me up to invest my energy into the people who are truly meant for me. And I can't think of anything more interesting than that!