Freedom in Forgiveness

Human beings are a tricky lot. We have some brilliant qualities, but we are also capable of inflicting serious emotional damage on one another, both intentionally and unintentionally. If you belong to the human race, you know that people can be rude and uncaring and difficult. You know they can disrespect you, disregard you, and disengage from you. They can use their words and actions (or their lack of them) to make you feel unloved, unworthy, and unappreciated in so many ways. People will make you cry and hurt and suffer, and sometimes--many times--they will not even feel sorry for it. 

Our natural inclination is to gather these hurts into neat little piles of resentment and bitterness. And we justify our grudges and feel entitled to wallow in our pain because we were wronged and they should pay. Somehow, we have the mixed up idea that our holding on to these grievances will make the other person behave differently or that it will make us feel better. But the only person we hurt when we choose to hold on to these resentments is ourselves. We become slaves to those thoughts and we sacrifice our peace of mind. Real power and freedom come when we offer forgiveness to our offender. They will likely not ask for it. They will almost certainly not deserve it. But we don't offer it for their sakes. The forgiveness I give is for me--for my healing, my well-being, my peace of mind. When I forgive, my mind is set free. And when I am free, I can pursue those things which contribute most to my happiness instead of dwelling on those that only steal it away. 

Another tricky thing about humans is that the inflicting of emotional damage is not limited to those dwelling outside of our minds. In fact, we are often our own worst offenders. We do things we aren't proud of. We say things we wish we could take back. We think thoughts we would rather not think. We sabotage ourselves constantly and beat ourselves up for it relentlessly. If there is hurt in our lives, we are even more responsible for it that anyone else because we control our thoughts. While forgiving those who have hurt us can seem like an exceedingly difficult task, forgiving ourselves can often feel impossible. We are always our own worst critics and often hold grudges against ourselves for not living up to ridiculous standards we've set for ourselves. Hard as it may seem, we must forgive ourselves and allow ourselves to move on. 

On a personal note, in the last month I have experienced the sting of rejection from multiple people, on several different occasions. This, combined with an already fragile emotional state, caused a storm of grief, anger, hurt, resentment, and depression to begin building up inside of me. At first, it was almost unnoticeable. But as the clouds continued to gather in my mind and I became tired of just trying to survive the storm, I decided to sit with my negative and uncomfortable feelings and see if I could get to the root of them. At some point, I realized I had a lot of forgiving I needed to do, and I began slowly to do it. I didn't confront any of the people I felt had slighted me. I simply offered the forgiveness in my mind. (I did also write some of it down in my journal and speak some of it aloud when I was alone in my shower or my car.) Honestly, it didn't come easy for me and I had to wrestle with myself for many days because my mind wanted to hold on to the grudges, which it deemed justified. But when I finally got to the point of being able to sincerely offer forgiveness to those who had hurt me--intentionally or unintentionally--and to myself for perpetuating hurt in my life through my thoughts, I immediately felt relief. I felt peace. I felt power. I felt free. The forgiveness I offered was for my healing and my healing alone. It didn't change another person or any of the hurtful situations. It didn't exonerate the other people or necessarily make their actions okay. But it changed me, and so it was absolutely worth it. I'm so glad I finally let go of that emotional baggage that was weighing me down so I could step into a more beautiful head space and move through my days with the confidence and peace of mind that come with freedom.